how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
