Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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