oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
