Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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