Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize