The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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