no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
