You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
