Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
