i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need water and some morals
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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