Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
