Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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