The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize