I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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