Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
