I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
organizing the empties. That sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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