I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
