i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
