Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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