Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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