I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
