dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
