i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
