just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
