never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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