Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
