My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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