My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
