alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
