I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
