you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
