Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
