She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
