The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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