Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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