Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
