Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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