All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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