I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
