clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
