so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
