My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
