just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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