I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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