she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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