I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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