So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
