Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize