I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize