Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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