my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
