They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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