My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
