literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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