Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
