I'm lost and stupid without you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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