Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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