Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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