it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My ass is underappreciated
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
