hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we're making bets on your personal life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize