I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
