how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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