I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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