do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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