I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
