after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
