Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
