just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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