Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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