i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
