After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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