Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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