She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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