smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
