so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
